The Healing Journey Project

Renewal and Transformation Through Kung Fu

Progress Journal

Dry Meat and Tired Feet

Posted by Robert Bibeau on September 3, 2010 at 12:32 AM

Today was a a pleasantly mediocre day, at least from a personal perspective.  If you were to look at the qualitative metrics you would see that it was a pretty tame day.  That being said there were things that occurred that ought to have made it a phenomenal day.  Among those things, I made HUGE progress on a "pet" project that I have been developing at work for months, I was able to be present for the promotion to Lieutenant Colonel of a personal mentor of mine, and I was "offered a job" to take a position on a team that is deploying to Afghanistan.  All of these things are great things, I would love to go to Afghanistan and I am really honored to know that somebody thinks that my war fighting skill set is sharp enough to ask me to join them.  The problem is, I am not sure that I am physically ready to deploy again yet and that is an incredibly frustrating feeling.

This dilemma occupied my thoughts heavily as I was cooking dinner tonight.  I really enjoy grilling, and I recently repaired some damages to my grill that occurred during my most recent military move.  As such I was excited to be grilling tonight as it's one of the first chances I've had in a long, long time.  However I found my thoughts traveling to the prospect of filling a void left by leaving Iraq "early" after I got injured, and to the prospect of "redeeming" myself at a chance to deploy to Afghanistan.  These thoughts were contrasted by the terrible thought of leaving my boy behind and missing so much of his development as he would grow so much during a 7 month deployment.  Additionally, the thought of putting my study of Kung Fu on hold for such a duration is a terrible thought as well for me.  Kung Fu has quite literally given me my life back.  I recognize that I am at a dangerous phase in my training right now.  If I put it on hold, much of what I have learned will severely atrophy and I will be that much farther behind in my hopes to truly develop this knowledge.

As my steaks were grilling, I decided I needed to gain control of my wandering mind.  I decided that what I needed right now was focus.  began working through various aspects of my Kung Fu.  I began by working slowly through my Wing Foon Siu Sup Ji and then found myself working through the Ng Ga Siu Sup Ji.  I spent time turning steaks between each iteration of the form.  Soon I was working through San Sau's that I have recently learned and eventually I was attempting to refine the tornado kicks and tiger form San Sau's that we worked on at my class last night.

I realized that my steaks were going to taste like beef jerky when I noticed that I was sweating buckets despite the cool night air.

I pulled the steaks of the grill, served them and sat down to dinner.  I wasn't really interested in eating the entire steak anymore though based on the texture of the meat and the mental high I was enjoying from the impromptu workout.  I did discover though, that my feet were really hurting once I sat down to eat though.  I actually somewhat welcomed that pain however because it is an indication that I just might sleep really well.

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